Intimacy

Life with Christ brings a lot of change and the passing away of our former life. With that sometimes, our thoughts about love and holiness can come at the cost of intimacy. In this episode, we wrestle with a commonly held view of intimacy and compare it to some key scriptures that shed light on what it is to have closeness with others and with God.

Transcript

Intimacy

Intro (welcome message)

Welcome to the Scripture Talk podcast, where we discuss trending viewpoints, important teachings, and eyewitness testimonials relevant to Christianity today. My name is Jason, and today we’ll be evaluating a trending Christian viewpoint against the light of Scripture.

Cold open (setting the stage)

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine in our dorm room during undergrad. Somehow the topic of marriage came up. I made a comment about how marriage isn’t marriage without a man and a woman physically joining together. My friend disagreed, citing Shakespeare and stating that marriage could be between two minds. Now I believe our disagreement was sparked by some deeper beliefs that each of us held about intimacy. And while what my friend said sounded noble, it didn’t sound right to me. Even so, I didn’t have an answer in the moment and have pondered it over from time to time.

Hook (pointed question)

And the question I was left with, was does the mind transcend physical touch when it comes to intimacy, or does physical touch hint at an aspect of intimacy that can’t be understood by the mind?

What’s trending (you’ve heard it said)

Years later, I saw something that reminded me so strongly of that disagreement I had had with my friend. It was a quotation from a book by Christian author Timothy Keller. And I think his view is a snapshot of what’s trending in many Christian circles today.
 
 This is what he wrote:
 
 Within this Christian vision of marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’”
 
So then, it’s argued that the Christian way of falling in love involves glimpsing, saying, thinking, journeying, looking at, and knowing. It involves the perception and thoughts of the mind, the will and excitement to partner, and gaining knowledge about someone.

What’s true (but God says)

But is that what falling in love really is? Let’s take a look at a few key scriptures and see what God reveals to us in His word.
 
 Proverbs 5:18 - Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:19 - As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and always be intoxicated by her love.

And what is this intoxicating love?

Song of Songs 8:6 - Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.
Song of Songs 8:7 - Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give unto love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.

So what’s the key difference between what Tim Keller says and what these scriptures say? In a word, intimacy. The main problem with what Tim says is that it can be applied to any Christian friendship, not just to marriage. These scriptures however, only apply to marriage! The intimacy that marriage brings is deeper, more physical, more binding, more intoxicating, more jealous, more powerful, and more valuable in every way than the intimacy between even the best of platonic friends. It is also an intimacy of complete exclusivity. No one else can enter into the intimate zone that exists between a husband and wife. And it brings an inexplicable knowledge of a person that can’t be expressed so easily. This type of knowledge is mentioned when “Adam knew Eve his wife”. And let me tell you something, when you get up close and personal with someone, you know them in a very different way. It’s a marvel that even the greatest of human wisdom can’t fathom.

Proverbs 30:18 - There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes four which I do not understand:
Proverbs 30:19 - the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship in the heart of the sea, and the way of a man with a virgin.

And this intimate, intense, exclusive love is a picture of the mystery of Christ and His bride:

Ephesians 5:30 - For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Ephesians 5:31 - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:32 - This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

We see here that not only does the mind not transcend physical touch when it comes to love, it’s not even capable of understanding love! And not only is physical touch a requisite component of marriage, it very much expresses an intimacy and oneness that even speaks of a great mystery between Christ and the church.

Of course physical touch is merely a mode of intimate expression. But the intimacy that it taps into defies comprehension. The intimacy itself is what is superior to intellect. And it’s this kind of intensity of love that is expressed in the deepest of Christian love between God and mankind and between the closest of brotherly and sisterly relationships.

1 Samuel 18:1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

So we see here that even the love between the closest of friends involves an intimacy far deeper than mere intellect, even down to the “knitting together” of two souls. It is this kind of love that God calls us to have for one another in the body.

1 Peter 4:18 - And above all things, have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

And the ultimate realisation of intimacy and love is found by joining ourselves to the Lord.

Joshua 23:8 - But you shall join to Yahweh your God, as you have done to this day.
1 Corinthians 6:17 - But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
John 15:5 - I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.
Revelation 3:20 - Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.

Intimacy with God is not merely a contemplative activity: it involves real, close contact between our spirit and His. It requires His actual involvement in our hearts and lives. It’s an intimacy of mind, will, proximity, and permanency. Intimacy with God is a decision to fuse together with Him and stay with Him forever. And thankfully He gives us that assurance.

Hebrews 13:5b - For he himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

And this love transcends the mind, not the other way around.

1 Corinthians 13:8 - Love never ends. But if there are prophecies, they will pass away. If there are tongues, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will pass away.
 
That’s the kind of perfect love that casts out fear.

Why it matters (our need for Christ’s power)

Now why even bring this up? Well I believe that much of the body of Christ today has a broken and faulty understanding of intimacy, and it affects the way we relate to other people and the way we relate to God. We need intimacy if we are to truly love. We need intimacy if we want truly successful marriages. We need to be willing to say of each other in the body of Christ, “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”. We need to be willing to “have all things in common” as the early church did. And we need to have an intimate walk with the Holy Spirit if we want to have a fully Christian life that comes with changed hearts, answered prayers, and the spiritual gifts that God intends for us to have.

Takeaway (how to be a doer of the Word)

So then, I encourage you to consider intimacy in a more profound way. Meet God in the still quiet moments of your day. Seek the Lord with your whole heart. Express love to Him in praise and thanksgiving. Ask Him for His Holy Spirit to anoint you and equip you with spiritual gifts. And express love to others as God intended.

Outro (parting words)

Well that’s it for today’s discussion. I’m glad you made it here to Scripture Talk, and I pray that you gained insights that will deepen your faith and love in Jesus Christ. Until next time: God bless you and keep your eyes on Jesus!